The Bachelor Pad: An Attempt of Definition

July 21, 2009 at 3:05 am 2 comments

Bachelor Pad

          The term ‘Bachelor Pad’ is commonly used in our society, usually when a guy gets a place of his own. It’s a big step for men across the board because you’re either leaving the nest, skipping away from the unsuccessful relationship, or deciding it’s time to adopt a new lifestyle. Whichever your reason is, it’s pretty damn cool. But what is the true definition of a ‘Bachelor Pad’? Can you really define something so immense with just a simple phrase? I don’t believe it’s possible, but I’ll try my best…

          Space – Whether you have a lot of space or not, it’s really not that important. Because whether you have 700 square feet or 2,000, you’re going to invite the same amount of people to your parties anyway.

          Friends – You may experience some temporary loneliness in the early days of living at the Pad. But no need to worry, this changes rather quickly. Suddenly your friends are your best friends and your best friends are your new roommates. Neighbors will begin asking to borrow spices that you can’t even pronounce, all in an attempt to attend the next shindig on Saturday. Hell, if you don’t have friends now (and you want some)…get your own place.

          Food – You only need the essentials, nothing more.

  1. Peanut butter and jelly is an absolute must. PBJ can be eaten for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or a drunken snack.
  2. You should probably have some chicken breast in the house. Whether it’s frozen or fresh, chicken is a safe and rather healthy meat to keep handy.
  3. Ramen Noodles continues to be the most commonly consumed food on Earth. At ten cents per pack; can you really afford not to buy it?
  4. Condiments are necessary because they can turn a single dish that tastes like throw-up into a dish that tastes like it was made by angels. I prefer barbeque sauce over all the rest but ketchup, mustard, relish, and random salad dressings will work as well.
  5. Chips and/or snacks are always nice to have lying around. I prefer Cheez-Its and Goldfish but the numerous styles of potato chips does a body good (not really).

          Drinks – You can probably guess these pretty easily. Beer, soda, some kind of sugar drink, and beer. Depending on how wealthy you are, the beer can be either Natural Light or Guinness. For a guy like me, I pay the generous $13 for a 30-pack of brew. One’s personal preference will account for what kind of soda is kept in the house. Having something on hand like Coke or Diet Coke is usually beneficial because it can be drank by itself or as a mixer with alcohol. And finally, the sugary drink is something like Vitamin Water, Gatorade, or Kool Aid. I know that includes a wide range of juicy-type stuff, but you get what I mean.

          Furniture – It’s really not a big deal. As long as you have a bed to sleep in and a couch to sit on, you’re golden. Lights? I guess you could have them just in case, but the illumination from the hundreds of electronics should be more than enough. And you’ll notice, right before you move out, everyone and their mother wants to get rid of furniture that looks like it’s out of a movie from the 1960’s. Feeling retro?

          Entertainment – This is where it gets good, where the ‘Pad’ earns its name. Guys like entertainment and entertainment likes us back. Televisions, computers, radios, Blu-Ray players, DVDs, cell phones, iPod tuners, PS3’s, and cameras, are just a few of the necessities you’ll find around a guy’s place. And this becomes entertaining within itself: just to see if a man’s television cost him more than every bit of furniture that makes up the rest of the house. Usually, and in my own case, this is 100% true. We may be sitting on milk crates that cause our ass to go numb in under 15 minutes, but how great does that Redskins’ game look on that 50” HD?

          So there you have it – the simple bare necessities of a Bachelor Pad. I’m sure there are a few things I forgot, I mean I didn’t even get into kitchen appliances, but this list can get the party started. Leave a comment with ideas, additions, subtractions, or hateful remarks…I welcome it all.


Entry filed under: Comic Relief, Random News. Tags: , , , , .

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