Update on Michael “K-9” Vick

August 11, 2009 at 11:32 pm Leave a comment

If I have to hear one more time that Michael Vick is signing with someone by the end of this week, I may just order one of those personalized jersies with Vick’s name on the back and start my own ‘official’ rumor. It’s getting to be a little much. Does it really matter where Vick ends up? He won’t come into the season until week six, and then people expect him to take over at quarterback?!?! Gimme a break.

Vick, because I do believe he will be signed, will be used as a jack-of-all-trades if for anything at all. He may play a little quarterback, a little receiver, a little decoy, whatever — but the guy will not be a starting quarterback this year. And for those who think Vick will be a substantial upgrade to your team, think again. His input will be very minimal and he just so happens to be human, meaning his production will be minimal as well.

So, as a close and dear friend of Michael Vick and one of his many trusted advisors (lie), I have come up with a plan that will really help Mr. Vick get back on his feet. (Drumroll…) Michael Vick becomes the newest addition to the hip-hop world when he changes his name to ‘K-9’ and starts dropping platinum rap albums!

I don’t want to lie and say I thought this through, but I did spend about six seconds on it. But please, hear me out! Instead of keeping the football fanbase guessing on where the hell Vick will end up, he becomes a rapper and eliminates all 32 teams. Instead of Vick getting paid the league-minimum, he gets paid like all the other rap artists and collects royalties. And instead of struggling in the league only to be ridiculed by millions of fans, ‘K-9’ can spend his time showing you around his mansion on MTV Cribs. Doesn’t sound all that bad, huh?

I think the main problem with Mike Vick and his “comeback” is that he thinks that football is all he has — and this is obviously not true. How do I know this? Well other than the fact that I’m his friend, advisor, and all that jazz; Vick’s first interview since being released from prison was actually conducted with hip-hop mogul ‘Young Jeezy’. That’s right, instead of interviewing with ’60 Minutes’, ESPN, or sitting down on Oprah’s couch, Vick decided to hop on camera with Young Jeezy during his  ‘America’s Most Wanted Tour’. Did Tony Dungy advise that?

I can see it now: “K-9 Tops Charts with Hit Song, ‘It’s Just A Dog’.”

Note: I am not a Michael Vick “hater”. I support Michael Vick and I thoroughly believe that he has paid his debt to society for being a complete frickin’ idiot. He does deserve a second chance in the NFL. However, using your rapper friends to get yourself into the hip-hop game just sounds a little easier.

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Entry filed under: Entertainment, Pro Football. Tags: , , , , , .

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