Posts tagged ‘Headlines’

Headlines: After A Slight Break


Another edition of “Headlines”. Can’t get enough of this stuff. Got some good headlines? Email me!

“86-Year-Old Woman Gets $1,000 Phone Sex Bill” – Now if that’s not the definition of ‘hot’, then I don’t know what is…

“Convicts Escape High-Security Prison By Helicoptor” – Perhaps the prison would like to re-evaluate its “high-security” status…

“70 Sick From Eating Tainted Pig Organs In China” – Serves ya right! That whole “every part of the pig is eaten” has left the building…

“New York City Santa Loses Parking Ticket Fight” – This is proof that absolutely NO ONE was in the giving mood during holiday season…


February 23, 2009 at 2:41 pm Leave a comment

Headlines: A Must-See


I took some time off to look for some better Headlines. Do you have some good Headlines? Email them to

“Mystery Surrounds Scientology Project in Wyoming” – First of all, it’s Scientology…it’s gonna be weird. And second, isn’t everything in Wyoming mysterious?

“Police: Ohio Teacher Cuts Class for Prostitution” – And that, ladies and gentlemen, is an example of a great role model for our children

“Police Dig Out Suspect Stuck in Storm Sewer” – I couldn’t think of a better place to hide…

“Web Site Set Up to Assist Octo-Mom” – The lady is a frickin NUT BAG…give it a rest would ya?

“Fox411: Chris Brown Chooses Jacko’s Losing Lawyer” – Now it’s probably time for that whole “career suicide” talk

“Salma Hayek Breastfeeds African Baby on Goodwill Trip” – I beg your pardon…

February 12, 2009 at 12:14 am Leave a comment

Headlines: BIG Time


Another Headlines posting. Got some good headlines. Send them to me at

“South Korean Woman Fails Driving Test 771 Times” – At what point do you just hang it up? How’s that one rude stereotype go?

” Woman Sets Breast Implants Record: 38KKK” – And what in the world are you gonna do with those? That’s like being pregnant on your chest…

“Bill Gates Unleashes Swarm of Mosquitos on Crowd” – Just another way that Bill Gates is taking over the world

“Kelly Clarkson: I Could Never Be a Lesbian” – She says she’s a crazy person. Uhhh, I’d say so.

“It’s Not a Tumor – Doctors Find Worm In Woman’s Brain Instead” – You’re going to want to shower at least once a month…just for future reference.

February 6, 2009 at 5:16 am Leave a comment

Headlines: Keep Em’ Comin’


Thanks for checking out Headlines! Got a Headline that’s funny, stupid, or flat-out wrong? Send it to me at

“Virginia Man to Search for Noah’s Ark in Turkey” – As interesting as this may sound…hasn’t someone already tried this before?

“Octuplets’ Mom Wants $2M From Oprah, Media Deals – This lady is getting a lot of headlines, but it’s old news. Give it up!

“Tommy Lee’s Helicopter Busted by LAPD for Erratic Flying” – Who the hell gave this guy a pilot’s license?

“Nurse Saves Boss’ Life, Gets Fired” – The audacity of some people…

February 3, 2009 at 7:30 am Leave a comment

Headlines: Need I Say More


Here’s another “Headlines” posting…

“Washington Man Driving Book Lift at 3 A.M. Tells Cops Craigslist Stranger Dared Him” – No comment

“Daschle Delayed Tax News” – Of course he did. Did anyone think the crook would come out of the financial closet before Obama appointed him?

“California Baby Born With 12 Fingers, 12 Toes” – The basis of the article is in the headline. What else do you need to know about the baby with 12 fingers and 12 toes?

“Family: Octuplets’ mom has 6 other kids” – Poor planning? Perhaps. Or she’s just collecting kids like Angelina.

“Phelps says photo of him smoking pot is real” – Idiot.

Got any good headlines? Send them to me at



February 2, 2009 at 1:55 am 1 comment

Extra, Extra! Just read the headlines

newspaperI have this thing, a habit if you will, that consists of me glancing at the newspapers and skimming through online news sites just to read the headlines. I then try to pick out the humorous ones and read them aloud so that others can hear how ridiculous they sound. I have never even thought of posting this kind of thing but I was glancing at one website today and thought I’d give it a shot. Here’s a few headlines that I read and simply said to myself with a chuckle, “Not worth reading”.

 Lawyer: California Cop Who Shot, Killed Unarmed Man Meant to Use Stun Gun – I didn’t chuckle but rather shook my head in disbelief. Remember, this is where our tax dollars go.

 Suzanne Somer’s Secret? Vaginal Hormone Injections and 60 Pills a Day – That sounds so good that I just HAVE to read on….right?

Exxon Mobil posts record $45.2 billion profit – The headline says it all; why read on? It’s just going to make you mad anyway.

Maybe I’m just a huge loser, but it seems to entertain me. Try reading headlines aloud by yourself before you take it to work and share it with your buddies. Some may think that it’s funny, others may think you’re extremely awkward. But just remember, you can always send me some funny headlines.

January 31, 2009 at 1:58 pm 2 comments

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